Parents, nowsadays

Dear Home Invaders,

When you declare your interest in visiting my best friend in order to inspect her new baby, you will NOT:
  • Fail to confirm the exact time of the visit in advance. Calling her on a Saturday morning when you're 5 minutes from her home is not enough.
  • Allow your seven-year-old and four-year-old to clamber all over her new sofa and furniture. Contrary to whatever you seen to have been telling them, other people's homes are not a public playground.
  • Allow the aforementioned monsters children to (mis)handle tetrapak drinks, resulting in the spillage of sweet, sticky liquids on the new furniture. And if you do, the least you can do is make yourself useful in helping to clean up the mess, not leave it to the friends whose home you've just despoiled.
  • Present clothes and other baby items that are clearly faded/used/worn and pretend that you "just bought" them as a gift. Stuffed toys that have had the stuffing whacked out of them, not to mention their unmistakable resemblance to fertile germ incubators, should be burned --- not given to the parents of a newborn.
  • Allow your uncontrollable children anywhere near the new baby. Having your four-year-old leap at the baby's head cannot be accepted as a sign of affection,
  • Comment pointedly that the apartment is not very child-safe. For one thing, the newborn is too young and immobile to do any apartment-exploring. For another, it's your own selfish brats who are clearly not safe to be let out anywhere that isn't their own wasteland of a room.
If you ever enter my best friend's home again, don't be surprised if her husband greets you at the door in full body armour with a taser or a cane, or if I spring unannounced from the back room to provide moral support and the evil eye for smacking down your kids.



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At 2/19/2006 12:21 am , Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 2/19/2006 8:08 am , Blogger limegreenspyda said...

gah. horrible parents! monstrous kids are bad enough, as it is.

did you unleash any sweet sarcasm to their faces?

At 2/20/2006 2:11 am , Blogger  said...

like the kids at brewerkz yesterday, who were running all over the place, each time between my chair and one of theirs. the parents are completely oblivious to how fck'g annoying they were, and took offence when i reacted adversely to them.

have some control over your fck'g kids or else use some fck'g protection!!!

word verification: osigh

At 2/20/2006 7:54 am , Anonymous Anonymous said...

i used to say 'i like kids, as long as they're not mine', but perhaps now that must change as well to

' i like kids as long as they aren't mine and they only sit (sit only! no climbing, jumping, crawling) on my future new suede sofa and drink sticky drinks in my house and take off their shoes and/or play quietly in the corner (and by play i mean reading) [amongst other house-rules for kids and their parents that i will think up slowly but surely]'.

i am that auntie from hell.

At 2/20/2006 8:17 am , Anonymous Anonymous said...

this comment is totally irrelevant to the post above.

remember that conical pastry thing which you were wondering about? i spotted something in the sunday papers (Lifestyle) about bakers and their unique creations.

check out http://www.thepatissier.com/webtop/Browse/birthday_kids.phtml

think it's "croquem-bouche (French cake of choux buns heaped into a conical tower)" [taken from article in Lifestyle]

(it really bugged me. i had to find out what it was after realizing it may not be macaroons.)

At 2/20/2006 8:17 am , Anonymous Anonymous said...

[ermm. yar.. the above was posted by me.]


At 2/20/2006 10:16 am , Blogger Abigael said...

Wah lau. Now you know why I have to bring a children's book whenever I go house visiting with Shea.

I will offer to clean up after her! I promise!

Disclaimer: It wasn't me that TYM is talking about! I promise!

At 2/20/2006 11:31 am , Blogger Tym said...

limegreenspyda > Alas, I was not present at this abominable visit to defend my best friend. I will be, though, the next time the wellbeing of her home and child are threatened.

ming > Thank you! Yes, if the cake you're talking about is the second from left in the webpage you indicated, then yes that is it. Your tenacity is amazing :) PS: This has nothing to do with your tenacity, but email me at toomanythoughts at gmail dot com and let's do lunch or something some time.

Abigael > No lah, surely is not Shea. She's really well-behaved in comparison to these monsters!

At 2/23/2006 1:26 am , Anonymous Anonymous said...

The powder. You forgot the powder.


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