How to get rid of telemarketers

Just before 6 pm today:
Telemarketer: Haaallo? Can I speak to Mdm [my last name], please?
Me (immediately suspicious, because I hardly give out my married name to anyone]: Ye-es?
Telemarketer: Mdm [name], is it? I'm calling from [garbled something-or-other]?
Me (somewhat annoyed): What? Where are you calling from?
Telemarketer: [more garbled mumblings] ... You use any stainless steel?
Me: No.
Telemarketer (puzzled): You don't use any stainless steel?
Me (emphatically): No.
Telemarketetr: Oh, okay. Thank you. [click]
The thing is, I wasn't trying to be difficult by lying about not using stainless steel. The first time she said it, I couldn't hear what she said, figured it was some kind of product, and just said "no" instinctively. Then it became a matter of just sticking to that line.

I suppose it's not too different from my other typical strategy for telemarketers who would sign me up for credit cards, credit lines or condos in neighbouring countries if I let them. My answer's very simple:
Me: I have no money.
Telemarketer: But ma'am, this is a really good deal ...
Me: Do you understand me? I have no money.
Telemarketer (usually attempting to laugh it off): Well, I'm sure you can consider ...
Me: I. Have. No. Money.
The conversation doesn't usually last very long after that.


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At 11/10/2005 7:44 am , Blogger Ondine said...

I usually tell them I'm in a meeting or something and make them hang up. Then store their number as DON'T PICK UP!!!. It's worked and always quite funny when the caller id kicks in.

At 11/10/2005 9:41 am , Blogger Tym said...

TaLieSin > Oh, I'm never tempted by whatever they're trying to sell me. It's a matter of getting off the phone in the least time possible without behaving like a complete asshole about it :)

Ondine > Funny, you bother :P I don't bother because if they keep pestering me, I'll just scold them lor!

At 11/10/2005 10:38 pm , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tell them that you'd be interested in a really sharp stainless steel product.

For you to stick it through their guts. :)

At 11/11/2005 7:33 am , Blogger Tym said...

J. > I have a strange sort of conscience --- the kind that feels guilty about hanging up rudely, even though it's an unsolicited call. Of course, if they say silly or annoying things to me, then I'll hang up on them without any qualms.

Chandler > You tell me, can I get arrested for that? :)

At 11/11/2005 12:11 pm , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Plead insanity.

Diminished responsibility what. :)

At 1/11/2006 11:55 pm , Blogger Tym said...

Off Boing Boing: a fantastic anti-telemarketing counterscript!


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