1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
The only house plant we've ever had is dead. In fact, any house plants ever given to me by some well-meaning friend has died. So perhaps this criterion doesn't really apply to me anyway.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
I'd say sleeping in one for more than one night is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
True --- but only because beer isn't exactly dirt cheap in Singapore (I don't like the canned varieties).
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
Not any more! I usually wake up at about 8 am these days. Never been to bed at 6 am more than a dozen times in my life, though.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
Okay, I've never heard my favourite song on an elevator (or any number that count as favourites at any given time), but I have heard the muzak version of music that I liked ten, twenty years ago in an elevator, and I remember cringing at the fact --- both at the dishonour done to the song and the fact that I was old enough to remember when it first came out.
Actually, at my age, popping by Zouk's Mambo Night is a surefire way to induce the latter reaction.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
Don't have it in Singapore! On occasion, we find ourselves watching some Shakespearean or period drama on the Hallmark Channel, though. Does that count?
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
Fortunately, most of my friends either seem to be comfortably ensconced in the marriage boat or are still at the hook-up/break-up stage, skipping the messy business of divorce (though not always the messy business of how-do-we-stay-friends-and-hang-out-with-that-cool-person-now-that-they're-broken-up-with-our-friend?).
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
Technically, I get zero vacation time this year. If I don't work, I don't make any money. Ah, the glory of freelancing ...
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
Definitely not a sweater, in Singapore, but I'm going to assume a T-shirt passes for the tropical equivalent. Yeah, a T-shirt with jeans (or anything, really) doesn't quite qualify as "dressed up" in my book anymore, but I can still get away with it on days when I don't have to meet Anyone Important.
On the other hand, "dressed up" for my line of work can still mean nice jeans (i.e. without embarrassing holes or an unflattering silhouette), just paired instead with a dressy-ish top and non-sneaker shoes.
Note to self: learn more from Tofu Nation.
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
Fortunately, there are no damn kids next door old enough to blast the stereo (though one of our neighbour's is about to have a baby, which I suppose could trigger a whole different kind of stereo noise). However, I did almost call the police once when a Seventh Moon/Hungry Ghost Festival auction at a neighbouring block went on for far too long, far too late on a Sunday night.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
Damn, with my mother's side, this has been happening since I was a teenager. It's just that half of the jokes are in Cantonese, which I don't altogether follow.
My father's former colleagues still don't want to swear around me, though.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
I never liked Taco Bell. I do, however, know where to get food after midnight in Singapore, and thanks to an IM conversation with Sarah, I now know that the pseudo-pretentiously-named TCC (The Coffee Connoisseur) outlet at Clarke Quay is open till 2 am on weekends for those late-night coffee-and-dessert cravings.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
No car = no car insurance! Hooray! Though we still miss our Buttercup on occasion.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
We have a cat and feed it Felidae. Fortunately for us, he seems completely uninterested in human food, so we don't have to fend him off every time one of us sits down with a snack (McDonald's leftovers or otherwise).
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
Obviously, you haven't met my couch. It's the perfect couch for sleeping in! The only time either of us get a backache is if the aforementioned cat insists on having space of his own, which then squishes us into a funny sleeping position.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
Does the occasional weekend 3-7 pm nap count?
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Actually, dinner is the whole date. Terz doesn't like going to the movies here --- too much asshattery going on.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.
Probably, yes. Especially if they're Popeye's.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
I think I have fewer headaches and stomach upsets now than I used to when I was in college.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff".
I live in Singapore. No such thing as a $4 bottle of wine.
I admit that I try not to buy any bottle that retails for less than $20 here though.
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
I suppose this means not having refrigerator-cold leftover pizza for breakfast, which I've never liked. I've always liked breakfast food, though for quite a few years in university and the years thereafter, I didn't eat breakfast at all. Now I down coffee at such a rate that I feel like I'm back in my early twenties again.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
Tell me about it!
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
No, but that's also because I usually go straight to the bar from work.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.
Hey, I found plenty!
This was not designed to be a meme, but there's nothing stopping you from turning it into one if you're in need of blog fodder.